I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
