Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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