when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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