she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
