You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
