Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
