Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
