its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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