mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
