Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
