My first STD was from a foam party
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
