I am spending my child support on dildos
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
