there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My penis needs a shock collar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
