he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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