A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
