So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
