are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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