I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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