I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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