I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
