I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They took my balls.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
