She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
