i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
