I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
