Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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