no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So squirting runs in the family.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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