Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
