ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
