the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
