She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
