I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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