that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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