I smell stomach acid.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
