HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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