Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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