oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
