we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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