Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
