I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
