She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
