The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
