Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
