you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
