What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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