do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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