Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
