I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
