well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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