I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
