It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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