Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
