I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize