allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
