My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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