Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
