Screwed.edu
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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