Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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