You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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