I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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