I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
why is half of my head shaved?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
