I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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