Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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