I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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