i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
