i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
