Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
