My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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