What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize