Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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