We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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