I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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