So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
