I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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