Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
